he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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