I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
im six kinds of drunk right now
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
