Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
