I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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