How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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