Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I got inside last night via doggy door
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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