i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
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