I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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