So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
