Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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