How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
