oh god the rape fog is back!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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