Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
