there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
