the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
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When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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