You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
