This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
