lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
