You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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