I've blown a few things in my day
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
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I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
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You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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