Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
