I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
