why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
