i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
