i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
