I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
