You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
