dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
