She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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