So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
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The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
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So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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