so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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