I got chris browned last night
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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