You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Who died my cat blue again?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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