I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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