Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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