1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
