I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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