You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize