She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
