The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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