Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
