Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
