Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
