He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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