So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
