her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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