whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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