I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
