Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
