i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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