At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
