This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
