Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
In America we eat man semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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