A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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