she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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