bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
