Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
