butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
