I'm really into asian looking animals
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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