she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize