i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
