my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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