Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize