I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
