Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
