I CAN MOONWALK!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
