R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
