Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
