i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
