I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
